he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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