Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
