Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
