wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
