You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
