Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
