I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
