after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
