Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
