I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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