I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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