Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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