did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
