That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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