We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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