I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
