how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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