That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
