I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
even my farts smell like vagina
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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