Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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