Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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