somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
