I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
