I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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