I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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