took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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