john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i drank out of a bidet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
