party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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