i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think your dad took our porno
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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