..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
