i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
