I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
