Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
