as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
