the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i now understand why vodka
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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