hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
as a side note pls kill me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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