youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
