On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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