I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
