if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
