meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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