rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
