i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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