If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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