i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
