He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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