My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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