Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
