Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
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corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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