I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
