I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
