I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
