i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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