i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
