Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
