you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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