I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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