Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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