i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
