I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
