I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
