love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
