i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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