you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize