I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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