I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
