ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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