You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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