Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
