the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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