you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
