well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
