can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
