Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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