So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
