Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
