I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
did you just send me my own nude
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
