Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
